This
is a story about her naughtiness, the Naughty Sorceress... Way back
when, she used to be called Nancy Sue. She was a student of that mean
ol' wizard Fernswarthy long, long ago. One of his best students. Oh,
she was a good little student. Knew all of her spells, got A+s on every
assignment. But when she was about to be graduating from Fernswarthy's
academy, ol' Fernswarthy began to get a little crotchity about how
smart she was.
He gave her a very difficult task. Fernswarthy wanted Nancy
Sue to challenge the three toughest adventurers in all of the Kingdom.
So Nancy Sue set out to find the three strongest adventurers in the
entire Kingdom.
She first met a young warrior attempting to teach a
Sabre-Toothed Lime to headbutt a seal. She thought to herself, 'He must
be very strong, since he is working in both Seal Clubber and Turtle
Tamer regiments!' So she called out to the warrior, "I challenge you,
brave warrior. Whomever can eat the most White Citadel Burgers is the
strongest warrior in all the land!"
Naturally, a warrior like this one would not back down from a
challenge, even from a little teenage girl. So Nancy Sue and the
warrior sat down, and began the battle of who could eat the most
burgers. Easily, the warrior won, and Nancy Sue was not happy. Nancy
Sue then said, "You have won, but I will challenge you again!"
She then continued on her journey and saw a singing, dancing
rogue sneaking into a nearby tavern. Nancy Sue thought to herself, 'Any
rogue that can sing and dance like that has to be the best rogue in the
land!' She called out to him. "I challenge you, sleuthy sneak. Whomever
can steal the most booze out of this Tavern is the sneakiest rogue in
the land!"
Naturally, a rogue like this one would never back down from a
challenge, especially one from such a loud and obnoxious girl. So they
began the challenge, but poor Nancy Sue tripped over her own leather
boots before she could even steal one bottle. The rogue was the winner.
Nancy Sue was even angrier now, and thus she called out, "You have won,
but I will challenge you again!"
So Nancy Sue continues on her trip, and sees a fantastic
wizard conjuring full meals out of thin air. She thinks to herself, 'He
must be the best wizard in the land!' Nancy Sue knew she had the wizard
beat this time. So she called out with great confidence, "I challenge
you, mystical wizard! Whomever can conjure the most spaghetti with
Skullheads is the greatest sorcerer in all the land!"
Naturally, a wizard like this one would never back down to a
challenge, especially one made by a girl so silly looking as her. And
so they began the challenge, the wizard conjuring massive amounts of
spaghetti, and Nancy Sue keeping up with him. Then, all of a sudden, a
big wind came, and Nancy Sue sneezed, losing concentration, and losing
the contest. She was extremely angry now, knowing magic was her best
skill. She screamed at him, "You may have won, but I will, I WILL
challenge you again!!"
So Nancy Sue returned to Fernwarthy's Tower, defeated three
times by strong, moxious, and magical adventurers. Fernswarthy came up
to her, laughing. Fernswarthy said to her, "If you cannot pass this
final test, I think you should leave the academy." So, Nancy Sue did.
She gathered her five trusty familiars and left to live alone. She
traveled east, into a vast forest where darkness loomed, twisted trees
making angry faces...
After looking at the sad faces of her familiars, Nancy Sue
could not run away any further. She decided that payback was the best
way. And not just on Fernswarthy, on those three adventurers as well.
So, with all the magic she could muster that night, she began to
conjure up a tower... A dark evil base of operations for her. With
every brick that magicked into place, the naughtier she got.
And so she then sent an invitation to the three adventurers
that previously defeated her, as well as her former teacher. However,
Nancy Sue wasn't as cunning as we know her now. She waited in the main
chamber for them. When the three arrived, they did not see the same
silly, young girl that they battled what seemed so long ago. They saw a
menacing, laughing figure in the back of the hall.
Surrounding them were gianormous familiars and dancing
shadowed figures. The three fought hard, using magic, moxie, and
muscle, using items, weapons, and familiars, using every breath of
their bodies... They survived the horrors she had presented, but there
still was the fact that the shadowed sorceress was standing back there,
laughing at them. She began to conjure a large, swirling vortex,
laughing menacingly as she stared at the three of them. All of the
sudden, they found themselves trapped in odd-shaped prisms, and then
they all disappeared.
Standing in the doorway of the chamber was Fernswarthy, there
to see the final moments of the three adventurer's lives. He began to
applaud, but Nancy Sue stopped him. "Don't even, old man..." She began
to conjure up another ripply, swirly spell. Fernswarthy began to run,
finding that he was truly frightened. Fernswarthy then raised his arms
in the air. Her spell flew at him, he muttered something under his
breath. As the spell hit him, he vanished in a puff of smoke. It sorta
smelt like burnt tinfoil.
