The
friars are a peculiar tale within the Kingdom. Long ago, they didn't
exist, but then again, no religions of any sort did. In the age of King
Ralph the First, the kingdom had a small band of fanatics that began to
tell the king of a higher plane of existance and of a lower plane of
purgatory. King Ralph the first began to listen, but noted these
stories as all he could chalk them up to be, wild stories.
At about the age of King Ralph the Seventh, this band
established a small locale deep in the Distant Woods. At this time,
they would explore the possibilities of these two celestial realms and
what one could do to attain proof of them. The leader of this band's
name was Bob, but he went by the name of Brother Octopus.
Under Brother Octopus's direction, the group would experiement
with all manners of things in effort to open a portal to one of these
mysterious realms. Although they were unable to unravel the mysteries
of the higher plane, short of killing someone pure and untainted, they
began to find ways into the lower plane. Starting with a pentagram, a
single candle, and a small stick, the clan was able to summon a small,
seemingly beat-up imp.
This imp growled angrily at the group, yet Brother Octopus
immediately walked up to the imp and punched it in its already casted
leg. It screamed and responded, "W-w-why did you d-d-do that?"
"From where do you hail, imp?" Brother Octopus asked. The imp
stared directly at him and growled, rubbing its leg. "Hey Deze, where
else?" it responded. The clan seemed pleased with their findings and
immediately sent the imp back, screaming, into the portal from whence
it came.
With this finding, Brother Octopus and the clan continued with
their findings only to further and further toy with these portals into
Hey Deze. They encountered many a imp or fiend, some friendly while
others not. After making an agreement with one archfiend, they began to
get take out orders from the local Hey Deze Gold Arches.
Being constantly stuffed by these dark fatty foods, the clan
finally decided on the name of the Deep Fat Friars around the age of
King Ralph the Ninth. Granted by this time, the King and Council fully
believed their stories of Hey Deze and the higher plane in which the
Friars had dubbed Valhalla. Often, the Friars would perform their
rituals for the King and council as amusement and funding.
With great funding from the Kingdom, the Friars were able to
establish their copse with greater equipment than before in the Distant
Woods. And thus, a steady, stable religion and religious group was
established in the Kingdom.
However as the Friars began to snatch up economy in the
Kingdom, the bean slowly began to fade out of the currency of the
Kingdom. This caused a great uproar in the Cobb's Knob, especially
within the Treasury. The Bean Counters of the Cobb questioned why this
decree of the bean no longer being part of the currency was coming
about. As the answer fell upon the shoulders of the Friars, the Bean
Counters grabbed their visors and fistfuls of the now worthless beans
and marched to the Copse.
As the Goblins came to the edge of the Copse, all appeared
normal and quiet with no one around. As the Bean Counters marched in,
suddenly a large impish foot came down and squashed the leading one.
The Goblins screamed and scrambled, unable to figure out just was
attacking them.
The forest was aflame with madness. Imps grabbing and beating
the living insanity out of Goblins, dragging them back into Hey Deze
portals. At the center of this confusion was a group of five Friars,
two playing heavy metal thunderrr guitarrrs, two waving eldritch
butterknives unceasingly, and the fifth chanting something while waving
his arms around like a madman.
A few of the Goblins retreated, but the majority were drug
back into the portals within the center of a solitary decagram. As the
Friars cheered, a few of the imps scoffed under their breath, muttering
something about getting the Friars back for using them all these years.
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